becoming a mommy

Two weekends ago my husband Paul & I had taken a break from work on a dreary Saturday to have a quick bite to eat and channel surf. Eh, correction: to channel surf ESPN, CBS, ABC, and FOX in search of the best collegiate football match-up {I think we landed on Johnny Football, if you care}.

While we were eating he casually asked me what I was most nervous about in regards to welcoming our baby boy into the world. After taking a moment to consider the fairly daunting, yet big picture scariness, my mind landed on what is without a doubt my biggest fear. The day my mom gets back into her car to head home to Virginia leaving me standing in my big city living room with a baby. My baby.

There are no books that can completely prepare you for parent-hood.

Sure, there are more than enough that give you helpful suggestions on what may best fit your lifestyle & situation. Even tips on how to turn your little one into Baby Einstein. But I am certain that there are no spoken or written words that can prepare you for the emotional cliff dive of the mom departure.

It scares me. It makes me nervous. I just got rid of the lump in my throat that hung around for far too long after my mom helped me move into my first NYC apartment nearly 7 years ago and drove away in that empty white Ford pick-up truck.

Now I’m the mom. The one who seemingly has the answers to everything. The one whose hugs can solve the world’s biggest problems. The one who knows when to have fun & when some things just aren’t funny.  I’m just not so sure I’m going to be any good at those things.

And then again that little lump in my throat reminds me of how lucky we are. Paul, myself, and Baby Boy Sig have so much support in NYC, Chicago, and Virginia. And while a book can’t rear a child I am confident that with the support of our own little village of family and friends Paul and I are going to more than enjoy this little bundle of adventure coming our way.

And maybe, just maybe, our love-filled hugs will begin to solve the world’s biggest problems for one little rascal.

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