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pregnancy (i'm going to be a mom!) panic attack

June 21, 2014

Today, I had a baby panic attack.

I don’t mean a small panic attack…  I mean panicking ABOUT the baby. Between all of the excitement lately – the baby shower, decorating the nursery, the more frequent doctors appointments – I really have been getting super excited about little Miss Mackenzie joining the world.

And then today it hit me. I have NO idea what I’m doing.

I know every new parent says this, but really. How am I going to learn everything that there is to know? I am completely in charge of this little human being FOREVER? Oh. My. Gawd.

I have all of these phone apps and emails that give me little tidbits of information every day. It’s been very helpful, thus far. For example:

Enjoy your seafood!

Need help with feet swelling?

Catch a nap whenever you have a chance today!

Your baby will now remember music you play for her!

Have you located every restroom within a 20 mile radius?

Swaddle? Swaddle! Swaddle!

Then today’s tip popped up (no pun intended): “What nipple type are you?”

Uhh, what?

“Certain nipple types could have a more difficult time breastfeeding, so prepare yourself now!”

Uhh, double what?

Welp, all of the fears and insecurities that I had first trimester just came rushing back. There are SO MANY unknowns! For the most part, I have preferred to be blissfully ignorant throughout this 10-month debacle (because, if you didn’t know, oh yes – it’s actually 10 months that we get to carry a human inside of us).

I am reading a great book about sleep training and I have Google-researched many of my other questions (seriously, did expecting mothers just fight over the library encyclopedia before the internet?)…but now THIS? Feeding a baby might not even be something that everyone is capable of handling naturally? Ooooh maybe I should’ve read more into this whole pregnancy thing from the beginning. No turning back now.

I spent the next hour or so researching nipple types, nursing positions, breastfeeding basics, and even found a lovely rap video on YouTube explaining the process through song, as well. I walked away feeling slightly more informed but mostly overwhelmed, then began going through all of my gifts from the baby shower again. How will I ever learn what all of these things ARE and better yet, how to use them? How do the 16-year-olds on Teen Mom do this? They actually might have an advantage: Home Ec is a lot fresher in their minds than it is mine! Yikes.

As I dismantled my breastpump, taking pictures on my phone of every piece and fearing that it will never go back together as it started out, I texted with Hubby. After a long, preggo woman rant on my end, in which he sympathetically responded when he could, he reminded me that we still have one of those parenting classes to take at the hospital to help us with basics… and he sent me a simple, final reassurance of, “We will be great parents. I’m so excited for our little girl.” And that was all I needed.

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